Don’t Stop. Ever.
One of the disappointing incidents that can occur is when a student or parent withdraws from lessons. An email arrives with something along the lines of “My son just doesn’t want to practice” or “I never have time and it’s gotten too busy at work” (I can personally relate to this one lately).
Angela Duckworth, the pioneering psychologist in the area of what makes “success," wrote a monumental and highly influential book called “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.” After generations of people using psychology to try and predict success, she seems to have found the source. No, it’s not IQ (this can even backfire sometimes), nor is it the EQ that was popular in the past few decades. It’s quite simple. She found that perseverance (AKA “Grit”) is the most reliable predictor of success.
What is the most straight-forward secret ingredient of acquiring perseverance? Passion. It’s the main ingredient, but not the only one. You’ll have to read her book to learn more. If you’re learning an instrument or have a child learning an instrument, my advice for you is to not obsess over the amount of practice time at first. Divert your attention toward buildinging passion for music.
If you put Beethoven and the Beatles in the same room, you’d get a historical slate of enormously influential musicians. They’ve all composed and performed music. It’s not the same type of music nor the same people listening to them, though. You need to find your or your child’s area of music that inspires passion, whether that be Disney songs, Taylor Swift, video game music, or the Bach cello suites. Explore music and find works that you want to be able to play yourself, or your child might enjoy.
Moving on to the title, “Don’t Quit. Ever.” My job, like anyone’s, can take its toll on my energy level. My cello lesson is a few steps from my office, which adds an additional element of challenge when it comes to transitioning mindsets. Lately, I’ve barely been able to practice more than 2 days during the past 3 weeks. Awful right? I was thinking how I shouldn’t have spent the money, don’t want to waste time, and especially don’t like the shame that I pour on myself when it’s lesson day and I’ve not done anything.
Here’s the thing, though. There will always be dark and rainy days when learning an instrument. Days will pass by with low energy, exhausting hours of work, family and friend activities, and stomach flues. But as long as you pick yourself back up, find that burst of passion when you have a slightly easier day, and run with it, you WILL continue to make progress. You WILL eventually come back out of it - as long as you seize that glimmer of excitement to play something when it returns for a moment.
As a parent, you’ll need to remember your child will have the same journey and your job isn’t to scold or shame them that they’re wasting your money, nor to blame yourself and ability to get them to practice. Rather, the task is to stand by and encourage, support, and love them so they feel more positively connected to the instrument. After 25 years of teaching, I’ve never seen a student rise to talent in the absence of this parenting style.
For myself, I’m happy to report that after several weeks of dark and dismal practicing effort with the cello, I just practiced 2 hours and I made some stellar progress at my last lesson. You or your child will too. Hang in there, be strong, build passion, and persevere!